Trying to Go Up: An Explaination

28 Jun

June has been a terrible month to be inside my head.

I set off at the beginning of the month to bring my blog back into shape by doing a blog a day, but then I fell behind. I was set to fall back and do multiple posts a day if I had to.

Then I started feeling depressed.

Since I graduated from Georgia State, I’ve been applying for jobs left and right, but have gotten very little response. And that little response has been generated rejection letters. It’s been demoralizing to the point that for a couple of weeks, I stopped the job search entirely. I would sleep for hours, but wouldn’t want to get out of bed when I woke up. Because all that would be waiting for me were my computer, social networking, and another day of flipping channels. I’ve gone out and done things, but there have been nights that I would sit in my car for several minutes, trying to convince myself to go back upstairs to my place of residence.

I’m told at this point that I’m supposed to be an adult. That I have a million opportunities waiting out there for me. But what was I supposed to do when I go from higher education to a world of unemployment and Phineas and Ferb and Friends reruns to pass the time? I’ve been depressed over sexuality, divorce, death, and school before, but not over lack of employment and things to do.

So I’ve been in this rut. I haven’t wanted to write, though I have things to say. I haven’t wanted to search, though I know that I need to. I haven’t felt like myself, and it bothers me so much.

This week though, I’m starting to come to terms with it and trying to dig myself back out. I started officially on my Assistant Editor duties for Steampunk Chronicle, I’m now seriously planning for Dragon*Con after The Extraordinary Contraptions received confirmation that they’ll be there, and I saw Megan Jean and the KFB perform last night.

As for today, I watched Get Him To The Greek while I restarted my job application process, and picked up My Booky Wook by Russell Brand to fuel my Russell Brand situation as well as my love for memoirs from people with less-than-normal lives. Yeah, things have been less than ideal, but I know that I can’t be sad forever. I have to push myself though. I have to give myself reasons to get out of bed in the morning, even if it is just watching a movie while I search for work.

For that, I would like to formally apologize to my readers. I know what I promised for this month, but I let myself get in the way of it. I’ll start setting daily reminders for myself to write regularly here, sadness and depression be damned. If not for you, but for myself as well.

I mean, I can’t let the world catch me going down.

Pretty soon, I’ll be talking about Brave, Moonrise Kingdom, and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Some other things as well, hopefully.

1 Comment

Posted by on June 28, 2012 in Personal


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One response to “Trying to Go Up: An Explaination

  1. The Quiet Borderline (back in hospital)

    June 30, 2012 at 4:42 am

    Wishing you well.

    I am a depression sufferer amongst other things and understand what hell it is to go through. I hope that you can get some professional help to get you out of this state.

    I also wish you the best in finding a job – you deserve it.

    All the best.


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